Credit: Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Some negative aspects of hitting the gym are hard to change — pack that many sweaty adults into a confined space, and there are going to be some unfortunate odors.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t strive to be better — and it starts with avoiding these things no self-respecting adult would ever consider doing during, before, or after a workout.
Snapping #belfies on the weight room floor
I’m sorry, I don’t care if you have the ass and Instagram following of Jen Selter, you look ridiculous snapping pics of your own rear view in the weight room mirrors. If you absolutely must take these back-facing photos, do it at home, or, well… actually they’re pretty ridiculous wherever you take them. No one actually stands, stretches, or fluffs pillows like this — belfie poses are absurd.
Grunting, howling, or roaring like an animal
There’s nothing wrong with emitting a few inadvertent grunts on the last couple reps of your bench press because, you know, you’re exerting yourself. But to the (mostly guys) who grunt, howl, and roar before, during, and after throwing around a few questionably heavy dumbbells: you’re making a spectacle of yourselves in all the wrong ways.
Take your steroid cycle down a notch or two and rein in your testosterone — you’re not impressing anyone.
As in, “Hey girl, you really should be taking your ass to the grass on that squat. I went to CrossFit once.”
Just because you have testicles and testosterone doesn’t give you a corner on the market on fitness knowledge. And when you use your “knowledge” to get close to a woman, especially with that condescending tone? That’s skeevy.
Developing future douchebags
To paraphrase my sister, who said it best: show me a pre-teen boy dressed head to toe in matching dry-wick workout gear and being “coached” through heavy lifting by his dad, and I’ll show you America’s future douchebag.
Dads, teaching your sons to properly lift weights is a valuable skill. Dressing them up like weight-lifting bobbleheads and stacking more weight on the bar than their growing bodies can handle in a misguided effort to help them “put on mass” is just a bad idea. Talk to a trainer about age-appropriate lifting methods before you take your Mini Me through your go-to gains program.
It’s Strength Training 101: don’t use your body’s momentum to lift the weight while performing traditional strength-training exercises. If you can’t use good form to complete a set, you have no business trying to lift the amount of weight you want everyone to notice you’re lifting. Yes, we all see your game.
Wearing a mansie
Weightlifting-style spandex onesies have no place in your wardrobe unless you are actually a competitive weightlifter.
Also, wearing a cycling bib on an upright bike? Weird.
Leaving behind hairballs
Ladies, what the eff is up with the balls of hair left on shower walls or tangled in the bathroom sink? Do what you want at home, but pick that stuff up at the gym and walk the 2ft to the trashcan. It’s disgusting.
Spraying deodorant like you’re trying to eradicate a mosquito population
Surely as a grown man you can do better. The names of those scents are almost as offensive as their smells. This also applies to grown women.
Drying anything other than hands with the hand dryer
Hair, genitals, feet — that’s not what the HAND dryer is there for. Respect the fact that when you dry your nether regions under a shared locker-room hand dryer, everyone else is getting the worst kind of peep show.
Take that phone call off the floor. Talk to your friends in the locker room or the lounge. No one else cares how your boyfriend’s mom disrespected you at last week’s family dinner or how you just switched from whey protein to hemp protein because whey was giving you the farts. Seriously. By all means, talk, just take the volume down by a decibel or 10.
More from Thrillist:
Health Mistakes From Your 20s That You’ll Pay for Later
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